Tap. Tap. Tap. Is this thing on?

So. Hello there.

I can't believe that it's been over 2 months since I posted. There has been a lot going on, but I just haven't known how to write about it. And Twitter is stressing me out a bit, too. I can't follow all the conversations, so I find myself just avoiding it. I guess that Lent has meant a bit of an internet fast for me, too.

Teddy is approaching 3.5, which is awesome and dreadful at the same time. He's FUNNY, trying to make us laugh, and he is much more likely to tell us stories and sing us songs. But he's increasingly inflexible when it comes to his desires, especially those relating to Thomas that Tank Engine. We're not looking forward to 3.5, but he's generally a sweet little boy and a joy to have around.

Veronica is now the EXACT age that Teddy was when she was born. Boy - we thought that he was SO BIG; little did we know. She's a cuddly little sweetheart, but she WILL NOT say anything you want her to. She knows how to say things, but she just WON'T. I'm starting to get a wee bit worried about her lack of speech, but we're keeping an eye on it. The fact that she recently had her first ear infection isn't helping. Poor baby -- perforated ear drum, and now she has a non-allergic amox rash. But she's very sweet -- she greets everyone with a "Hi-ya!!" and blows kisses goodbye. She even does this when she's desperate to leave. At the doctor's office (the inside of which we've seen many times of late), she starts blowing kisses at him the second she sees him. "Get me out of here, stat!!", I imagine she's saying.

The two of them generally get along well. Yesterday, they walked a bit while holding hands, and they hug often. I really hope that they'll be friends.

Dave has been really busy with work and his big dream stuff. He's sick this week, which is unusual. He's plowing through, but he's looking forward to having some time off soon.

I am doing well. February was tough (though far tougher on people I care about). My best friend Beth lost her father, which sucked. That's part of the reason for the silence; I'm not sure what to say about it. One year earlier, another one of our friends lost her dad, and a third's dad is in long term palliative care. We're turning 35 and our dads are in their mid-sixties; I just figured that we'd have more time with them, you know? It all just stinks.

I've also gotten sucked into "Bones". It's on Netflix here in Canada, and I thought I'd give it a shot. It's solid, not amazing, but I'm enjoying it. I figured that I'd like the David Boreanaz character best, but I did not expect to develop a huge TV crush on one of the scientists! It helps that the character is hilarious, sweet, and looks like a blend of Dave and the guy I dated for a year when Dave and I broke up during University. So - loving Dr. Jack Hodgins over here. Mmm...Hodgins.

Anyway, that's some of the goings on around here. Next week, we're heading off on a long-planned transatlantic trip, about which I should blog before we go. We can't wait!

I hope that you all have a wonderful Easter weekend.

Breastfeeding and Guilt - My Take

Breastfeeding. One of the hottest button issues to talk about with fellow moms, or in general. I've wanted to write about my experiences with breastfeeding for so long, but I've hesitated. I've written about 10 posts in my head and have 2 in my drafts folder, but they never seemed right. I've never posted a comprehensive post about what I've basically spent the past 3 years doing every few hours.

There's been a lot of talk about breastfeeding in my Twitter stream lately, and Arwen wrote a wonderful post on the subject of Breastfeeding and Guilt. Go read it; it's great. Also check out Emily's comment, which is spot on. Rather than completely take over Arwen's comment section with my take on the situation, I thought I'd write about it here. I want to have a post talking about my experiences, especially since the situation with Teddy was atypical.

I've been very fortunate. Both of my children have had breastmilk for at least 17 months. But guilt has fueled both of these experiences. It's an odd guilt -- guilt that I'd failed Teddy in utero and in the first days of his life.

Tongue-tie runs in Dave's family. Dave is tongue-tied, and we always joked that if we had boys, they'd have it. While pregnant with Teddy, I knew that he'd probably be tongue-tied. I spoke to my midwives and my doulas about it as well as the nurses at the hospital. I lined up a 'breast-feeding buddy' through a city-run program so I could get support and I knew when all the clinics were all over the city. We took courses, I watched videos and bought reference books. Being a first time mother who'd never breast-fed before, I think I did as much as I could.

Teddy was born with a posterior tongue-tie. It's so far back that it's difficult to diagnose. The nurses and midwives didn't spot it. I knew that something was wrong, but it wasn't until we went to a lactation clinic that the IBCLCs spotted it, realized that he wasn't really latching, and got me pumping at the end of Day 2. I couldn't even pump enough to cover the bottom of the bottles; I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life as I tried. By the time my midwife came by the next morning, Teddy was down from 8lbs 4 oz to 7lbs 3 oz with his clothes on.

Day 3 postpartum ranks up there as the worst day(s) of my life.

So Dave had to race out and get formula, and he bounced back right away. Every two hours, we fed him any milk I could pump and topped it up with formula. My milk started to come in that day, and he just kept gaining and gaining. The midwives came every 12 hours to check on him (LOVE them) and he was great. But we struggled to find ANYWHERE that would do a tongue-tie release.

He had the release done on Day 5, but it was only partial. He still couldn't get much when he latched, but I pumped my way into an oversupply so that he'd be drowning in milk. No word of a lie - I was getting over 1.5 L per day (50 oz). But when he was 2 weeks old, we got thrush and kept passing it back and forth. After several weeks of that, I gave up trying to get him to nurse and just pumped.

Oh, that pump. It SUUUUUCKED. And the stupid flanges (even 3 sizes up) were awful and kept giving me plugged ducts which lead to mastitis. Weeks and weeks of awful mastitis. The pump couldn't move the milk, so I had to hand-express to keep the milk moving. In the midst of all this, my Aunt Floriana died, so we were dealing with all her funeral, mourning, and I was just a hot mess.

Everyone around me told me that I could stop (maybe should stop) because it was too much. But I was like a woman possessed; my kid was going to get breast milk no matter what. Also, my supply was bullet-proof. Even with mastitis it didn't drop for long.

So I kept on going. I switched to hand expressing full time, and the mastitis cleared up, as did all the pain. It was SO MUCH more convenient and easier (especially during a 12 hour power outage), so I just doing it. I slowed down gradually when I realized that the entire bottom of our massive chest freezer was full of milk. I kept it up until Teddy was 14 months old, and I was over 5 months pregnant with Veronica. He had enough milk in the freezer to take him past 17 months.

I look back now and why was I so consumed with it? I think it's because I felt like I'd failed him as a tiny baby. I hadn't been able to advocate for him and he'd lost all that weight. I'd been unable to find a doctor to address the issue. I couldn't help my baby in the way he needed to be helped, but I COULD DO THIS. So that's what I clung to.

Now Veronica does not have a tongue-tie. She, however, had a complicated delivery. She was intubated 3 times and had chest compressions, and she just did not want to nurse right away. But her latch didn't hurt like Teddy's and she wasn't losing as much weight, so I thought we were on the right track with nursing.

Then Day 3 rolled around and we discovered that she'd lost 10% of her birth weight. She wasn't anywhere as dehydrated as Teddy had been, but it was not good. I am not ashamed to say that I sobbed like I'd been stabbed in the heart. But Jackie, my amazing midwife, realized that her suction reflex had been thrown off by the intubation. She suggested that we finger-feed her using the last lonely bag of Teddy's breast milk from the freezer. And she reminded me that on Day 3, the tears bring in the milk.

I HATE YOU DAY 3.

So I nursed Veronica and then Dave would finger-feed her as much extra milk as she wanted. But about 12 hours later, my milk came in with a vengeance. Seriously -- I felt my entire torso was undergoing electric shocks. She was no longer interested in finger feeding, and when Jackie came back to weigh her 24 hours later, she'd gained 7 oz. She regained her birth weight before she was 1 week old.

And yet - I was PETRIFIED that I wasn't producing enough milk. She was consistently in the 95th percentile for weight, and I was nervous before every weigh-in. I still catch myself worrying and she's 17 months old!

My terrible time with Teddy and my rough start with Veronica have caused me to stress about my supply. I won't chance cold medicine, as it is known to make your supply drop. I worried about missing feedings so much that I was never away from her for more than 3.5 hours until she was 14 months old. She never took a bottle. I am still rarely away from her for more than 4 or 5 hours.

I suspect that I'm also trying to atone for my failure to effectively nurse Teddy by nursing her as often as she wants for as long as she wants. I'd have given anything to have had it work with Teddy, so I'd better not take this for granted. Am I turning it into penance for my belief that I let her brother down?

This guilt comes entirely from my own psyche. Everyone around me has been so supportive of me and was so proud of how hard I worked for Teddy. Heck - I'm proud of how hard I worked to feed Teddy. But man - did the Mom guilt ever start early for me.

My 2012 Resolutions/Goals

I've been plotting this post in my head for 2 weeks now, so I'd better get it written. I'd really like to record my goals for the year and put them up here to help make myself accountable. And I am going to try to group them into categories...that start with F. Because, why not?

This is driven by my fear (another f word) that I'm getting nothing done, that I'm just spinning my wheels. I'd like to do updates quarterly, if not monthly, to stay on track.

Family

1. Develop a more structured routine for the children, especially on days when Teddy doesn't have preschool. The child LOVES routine, and on the days where we don't have one, I spend much of the day with him begging to watch The Backyardigans or Thomas.

2. Reduce mindless screen time for all of us. I am so bad with this. It's just so easy to pop on an episode so that I can get laundry put away without two little kids crying for my attention. In the evenings, it's so easy for me to lose myself on Twitter or Google Reader. But I want my kids to be imaginative and this is the time to nurture their development.

3. Have a minimum of one family adventure per month. This can be to a museum, a local park, a movie, skating on the canal, sledding, a trip - anything along those lines. For the majority of them, I'd like for them to be cheap or free.

4. Have at least one 'Date Night” per month. These can be 'you pick the movie and I'll watch with no complaining or distractions', or dinners out (like the ones we have when we cruise), but I'd like to have at least 12 this year.

Friends

1. Visit/chat with one old friend per month. I feel that friends are drifting out of my life, even those who live nearby, so I want to devote time to replenishing these friendships.

2. Send Birthday Cards/Anniversary to all loved ones this year, and get back into sending “Thank You” cards. Card-making is my hobby, but I often feel that I don't have enough time to make nice ones. I need to get over myself and just do it.

Family Home

1. Better organize the toys. We need a better system, as the current one is killing me. We need better storage and a method of toy rotation. This will likely end up bleeding into the next task, too.

2. Tackle 6 organizing and 6 decorating or small renovation projects. They'll likely be inexpensive ones, as we're on the austerity plan for the next few years. But August will mark our 5^th anniversary in this house, a house in which we still haven't hung our art. A fact that is totally the fault of my perfectionism. Poor Dave. This will include: better organizing my card-making supplies, as well as getting blackout blinds for the bedrooms that don't have them.

3. Try making laundry detergent. I love my Nellie's (which is almost identical to the homemade stuff), but I am going to give this a try once this year.

Faith

1. Develop a routine for prayer. This year, I once again used Jen's 'Random Saint Generator' to help me find a patron/patroness for the year. Last year's was the lovely St. Anne (grandmother of Jesus). This year? St. Dorothy of Montau. People seek her intercession for such things as: 'Against Death In Children', 'Marital Problems'. She's also a patroness of 'Widows'. GULP. I have no idea what this year has in store for me, but I'd better get my prayer life sorted.

2. Go to confession at least 6 times. That'd be 4 more times than last year!

3. Be better organized with the Familia Group that I'm leading, as well as the one in which I am participating. I was really late with the follow-up email after our last meeting, and I do not want that to happen again.

4. Work on prayer with the kids. I also hope that this will keep me in the moment more; I've always struggled with that.

5. Pray the usual novenas, and perhaps add one more.

Food

1. Attempt 30 new recipes. That's more than 2 a month. Let's do this!

2. Have 12 new go-to recipes. I'll need to try a whole bunch before the year is out in order to pull this off (see #1), and they can be in any category, but I want 12 new ones mastered by year's end. Some I'd like to have: the blueberry scones Arwen served, escargot, quinoa salad, Crockpot black beans, Johnny cake, and my Nonna's pizza.

3. Better organize my meal-planning. I'll need to organize all the new recipes I'm trying, anyway, so this is just a logical extension. More lists!

4. Make one meal per week from the pantry or the freezer. I generally do this, but I want to ensure that I'm using up my stockpiles so I'm making this a goal.

5. Be vigilant at introducing new foods to Veronica. I was spoiled by Teddy, who was an incredibly adventurous eater. While she loves fruit, her current preferences lean towards fat and carbs. We need her to eat more protein and vegetables.

6. Join a CSA and plant a garden again. Full disclosure – I am currently reading “Raising Elijah” by Sandra Steingraber and it's terrifying me. Last year, I tried to garden in pots in our incredibly shady backyard. I got 1 bell pepper, 5 tomatoes, and maybe 30 cherry tomatoes. So – not so great. I did, however, grow delicious herbs that I am still using. So I'll try the cherry tomatoes again, and will definitely grow the herbs, but I want to support local farmers and have access to delicious, fresh produce. This will also help me accomplish #5 and #1 above!
7. Try my hand at preserving. It might be tomatoes, it might end up being freezer jam, but I'd like to give this a shot.

Finance

1. Transfer the money for our TFSAs and Veronica's RESP ASAP. I'd like to send this to Jim within the next 2 weeks.

2. Continue tweaking the austerity plan budget to ensure our savings goals are met. I'd love to have a month where we buy nothing that isn't essential. Maybe during Lent I'll go for it.

3. Make over $1000 by selling/consigning things. I must get off my butt and sell the double stroller we never use, and some of our old diapers now that Teddy is potty training. I also need to bring more of my things to the consignment store.

4. Add info to our financial tracking documents so that all our stuff would be easy to access in case of tragedy. This one is depressing as heck, but

Fitness

1. Start running again. We have a treadmill in the basement, so there's no need to run on the ice.

2. Run a 5k before the end of the year. It can be a fun one or a charity one, but do it.

3. Eat less junk and drink lots of water.

4. Go to bed every night by 11. I am TERRIBLE at this. I hope that the reduced screen time will help with this, too.

Future Planning

1. Set aside 5 hours per week (on average) to support Dave's big dream. Sorry to be so cryptic right now, but I have to keep it quiet. This will evolve as time goes on, but I need to set this goal.

2. Develop comprehensive tools (plans, budget) to support this, with professional help when needed. This, too, is a vital goal.

Formation

1. Read, watch or listen to something in French every day. Prayers count, too. I'll need to use French every day when I go back to work, so I need to flex these muscles again!

2. Read 75 books and recap them in a blog post. I managed to read 60 last year (recap post forthcoming), while abandoning another 20 or so because they were AWFUL, so I think this is doable. What? Reading keeps me sane.

Fun

1. Travel for pleasure at least 4 times this year. Details for 2 of these trips are already booked while another is in the works, but I think this is doable.

2. Watch at least 5 of the TV shows on DVD that we own. It's hilarious – we have a whole bunch of these that we keep meaning to watch, but don't. I'm thinking: FNL (I KNOW, OK! It breaks my heart to watch, though), Justified, Sports Night, The Vampire Diaries, and something on Netflix (maybe Bones).

3. Don't feel guilty about taking some time for me. That said, don't feel resentful that personal time is limited. I'm at the stage in my life where I need to view these activities as treats – things to savour and enjoy but not my full diet.

Finish What You've Started

1. Complete the album from our Australia/NZ trip (that was in Feb. 2008). Oy.

2. Write at least 12 blogs posts about the kids and what they're up to. My blog is serving as a de facto baby book right now, and I'm slacking. I should also document other stuff we're doing, too, but the stuff about the kids is both charming and fleeting.

3. Keep writing daily/weekly 'To Do' lists. I do stuff all day long, but I feel like I'm doing nothing. If I keep these lists, I'll stay on track AND feel like I'm accomplishing stuff.

4. Track these goals and do quarterly updates on the blog. At least it'll be blog fodder, and I can tweak the goals as needed.

5. Be ruthless about eliminating time wasters. Time ,while always at a premium, will be even more valuable this year. If the task doesn't tie to one of these goals, then DON'T DO IT!!

I think the very last one will be the hardest for me. But wish me luck, and I promise to keep you posted on my progress.

Wherein I admit several shameful secrets...

All over the blogosphere, bloggers are talking about decorations for the Christmas/holiday season. Plans for parties, awesome Advent activities, tree traditions, AMAZING menu plans - it's wonderful. But I feel like such a total holiday slacker, you guys. This is the reason why I'm not on Pinterest. I'd either be consumed by envy or feel awful about myself.

Needless to say, I don't have it together like these ladies. We have a few small decorations, as well as our Advent wreath and our Christmas books, but that's it so far. And I need to confess something else: since our marriage, we've never put up a Christmas tree.

Now, I've decorated many a tree over the years. Our family tree -- the one that now lives in my crawlspace -- and the tree that Beth gave me before she moved to BC were both lovingly decorated by yours truly a number of times. But since we moved to Ottawa, I've been a tree slacker.

We really didn't have a spot to put the tree in our otherwise awesome apartment. We did have an adorable ceramic tree that we'd display, but for '04, '05, and '06, that's all we had. We spent Christmas with my parents, my Nonna, and Dave's parents, though, so we were surrounded by decorations, if not at our own home.

We intended to change this pattern once we moved to the house in 2007. My parents gave me our old tree, happy to be rid of it. What? Their cat cannot resist the temptation to climb it! We got so far as to put up the fake branches, intending to decorate it on Gaudete Sunday. Which happened to be the day I started to miscarry at 12 weeks. The bare tree stayed up until the New Year, as we just really weren't in the mood.

In 2008, I was 37 weeks pregnant with Teddy, and Ottawa was embroiled in the never-ending transit strike which sapped my will to live. I was spending upwards of 3 hours in a car, doing a commute that would normally take less than an hour. Just thinking about that Christmas makes me cringe. No tree for miserable me.

In 2009, I was due pregnant with Veronica and morning sickness had started. Plus, I was due to go back to work on January 2nd, and just didn't want to stress of having to take the tree DOWN as we were going through such a huge transition.

Last year, I had two kids under two and was so.darn.tired.

This year, though, what's my excuse? Frankly, the reason I'm writing this post is to shame me into action. This weekend, we have the time to do it - no holiday parties, no other commitments. No more excuses.

So while I'm admitting stuff, I should probably cop to the fact that I've never cooked my own turkey or roast. We always go to someone else's place for any and all holidays, so I've never needed to! Yes, I'm 34 years old.

My Accent Vlog

I finally got off my butt and did the Accent Vlog. Here it is, insanely backlit. And accompanied by the worst screen capture ever. Enjoy!

Thirteen Things You Should Know About Me BEFORE "The Blathering"

I am so very excited, you guys. The Blathering is in less than three weeks' time. A whole weekend of fun in Austin, Texas, which is a city I last visited at the ripe old age of 9. Bloggers! Hilarious, awesome bloggers! I cannot wait.

But before I go, I feel I should warn you about me. And I'm totally ripping off previous year's attendees as I write this post:

Thirteen Things You Should Know About Me BEFORE "The Blathering"

1. I have a great memory. A creepily good memory. Any of the other bloggers I've met IRL (Maggie, Arwen, Whitney) will tell you that this is one of the first things about which I warned them. I'm not a stalker, I swear. I just have an affinity for this sort of stuff. So if I've read your blog and remember your children's birthdays or the names/birth order of your siblings, just roll with it.

2. You want me on your trivia team. It's not just data about bloggers that I retain. History, science, sports stats - TOTAL NERD. I am one of those people who never lost the love of learning. And I will help you win at trivia.

3. The word I've most often used to describe me is enthusiastic. I am a grown woman who will jump up and down for joy when she hears your good news.

4. I am an extroverted fast-talker. I am sorry. I will try to slow down. If it's any consolation, I also speak this quickly in French, the other language in which I am required to work.

5. I studied Food Science in University. This is the study of Chemistry, Microbiology, and Engineering as it relates to food, with a bit of Nutrition thrown in. I studied Food Laws during studies abroad in both Europe and Asia, and did my Master's in Food Policy. And now, I do HR for the Canadian Government. ??? Well, right NOW I am on a year of unpaid leave because I have two young children - Teddy is 2.5 and Veronica is 13 months.

6. I have lived my entire life in Canada. I was born in suburban Montreal, grew up in suburban Toronto, and moved to Ottawa 7 years ago. But I have never lived more than 1 hour from the US border. While I love my country, I have such an enormous soft-spot for the US. I've been to 34 states; while I've liked each and every one, my favourites are VT, CA , and MI.

7. I am an only child. Both my parents are oldest children, so I got away with nothing while growing up. But I had a very happy childhood, and I've always been good at dealing with adults. It made for some tough times as an elementary school student, but it's wonderful now!

8. My Dad's family has been in Canada for generations. We are descended from Loyalists, from original habitants de la Nouvelle France. My Mom? Was born in Italy and moved here as a child. I am a big ole mutt.

9. I am Catholic. I was raised in the Church, fell away from it for years, and have returned. I am still a total work-in-progress, and I really struggle with some church teachings (gay marriage, I am looking at you). But I am a practicing, faithful Catholic. My faith has enriched my life so much.

9. I have known my husband since grade school. We both attended St. Francis of Assisi Elementary School in Georgetown. Dave is two years older than me, so we didn't become real friends until high school when he became one of my best friends. Next fall, we'll have known each other for THIRTY YEARS (I will be turning 35). Every once in a while, though, a previously unknown story will crop up. You'd think that would be impossible, but you'd be wrong.

10. Nothing I've ever done has been more transformative than becoming a parent. It sounds trite, but it's true. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but nothing has brought me more joy. I am so blessed and lucky to be sharing this with Dave.

11. I am a HUGE fan of TV. It's the episodic nature, I think. I love seeing characters grow and change. My current faves include: Parks and Rec, The Office, and The Good Wife. My all-time faves: Veronica Mars, Arrested Development, and The Wire.

12. Be warned - I have been known to break into song. And I am hoping to share some awesome Canadian music with all of you.

13. I love to eat and drink, especially regional specialties. I also love to read, primarily non-fiction and chick-lit. I welcome recommendations for either category.

This pile of bricks...is ours alone.

So we just paid off our mortgage. Today. In just under 4 years.

A little background info for my American readers - mortgage interest in Canada is not tax deductible. I mean, you have the option of borrowing against the equity in your home and investing that, then deducting the interest from your income tax, which is a complicated way of making your mortgage interest tax deductible. But while we pay $0 capital gains tax on the sale of our primary residence, we don't get the benefit of making our payments tax deductible in the interim.

In addition, one weird little thing that NO ONE TALKS ABOUT is that our mortgage rates effectively reset every 5 years. We have amortization periods of up to 35 years (where 25 is standard) but we negotiate our mortgages for 5 years at a time. So those teaser rates that so screwed many Americans? Yeah - most Canadians don't know what an awful ride they're in for. I am so scared for my compatriots. No joke. And we have no excuse; we see what's happened south of the border. Do not get me started. We have liar loans. We have sub-prime mortgages that are -- wait for it -- back-stopped by the Canadian taxpayer. It's a GONG SHOW, and it's about to get ugly.

ANYWAY, we bought our house in May of 2007 and took possession in August. We opted for a fixed rate mortgage because rates were inching up at the time. No one predicted the craziness of late '08/early '09, after all. Our mortgage had some cool provisions - we could increase our payments by 25% AND pay up to 25% of the original value of our mortgage ever year as a 'pre-payment'. We immediately upped our payments, and set about putting down extra money each year.

I must be honest - we didn't do it without some help. I was one of the beneficiaries of my late Aunt Floriana's life insurance and pension. The money I received was plunked down on the mortgage. My parents also gave me some money from my Grandma & Grandpa's estate, which we also plunked down. But we've been saving like fiends to pull this off.

We'd managed to reduce our remaining amortization to 1 year 5 months with our renewal due in 1 year 3 months. I knew we'd be hit with a penalty to pay it off, so I thought we'd just wait it out and pay our usual payments. I called in last week to see how much I would have to pay now so that I could reduce the amortization to 1 year and 3 months (i.e so we'd owe nothing at the end). But it was then I found out that the lender would be willing to waive the penalty! We owed less than our permitted annual prepayment (that 25%) so other than the required $250 discharge fee, all we had to pay was the remaining amount. I had more than that amount sitting in their bank, so today we arranged a transfer. We're saving over $1500 in interest over the next year and 3 months. Also - no more mortgage payments!

In 60 days, we'll receive our official documents showing only our names on the title. But as of tomorrow morning, my online account will show that my mortgage is CLOSED. We are pretty excited. We celebrated by busting open a bottle of wine we'd brought back with us from our trip to Australia.

In other news - Veronica is finally interested in table food. And she's on the cusp of crawling. Big day around these parts!

Lent 2011

We're back from our trip and we had an amazing time. I cannot wait to blog about it, but first I want to delineate what I'd like to do this Lenten season.

I'm dividing it up into sections - omissions, addition, personal prayer, and family prayer.

Omission

- I will be giving up snacking/sweets for the season. It was getting out of control anyway, and this is a perfect opportunity to rein it in. I'll be fighting my inner glutton whom I've been indulging with the justification that "I'm breastfeeding". No more treats, no more desserts, no more snacking.

- Though it's not obligatory in Canada, we'll be going meatless on Fridays. Well, Dave packs his own lunch, but I have many meatless options for him those days, too.

Addition

- I will do one additional act of service for my family each day. These will be over and above the usual stuff I do (laundry, meal prep, etc.). They will include things like reducing clutter, deep cleaning, and the like. For example, today I scrubbed several fridge shelves. Things like that.

- I would like to do some greater acts of service over the course of lent. These will likely include almsgiving, but may include other things. No idea what they'll be yet.

Personal Prayer

- I need to get on track with this. I'm frazzled with the little guys, but I cannot keep using it as an excuse. As a result, I need to devote a chunk of time to prayer at least once a day. It can be a rosary, one of the hours of the divine office, scriptural reading, or something along those lines. Today, it was the Divine Mercy Chaplet.

Family Prayer

- We've resolved to do this once a day, too. It will vary, depending on who's involved. Today, it was all four of us and it involved singing some kid-friendly songs ("I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart") and praying in general for the people we love. On days it's the adults, we'll aim for a rosary or a bunch of intercessory prayer.

So - that's the scoop. If you guys have any thoughts for additions to ANY of the areas, I'd love to hear them!

Who wants to see birthday photos?

Will cute pictures distract you from my lengthy absence?

Oh internets, I am so sorry. I am so, so tired, and trying to blog in the two hours between when Teddy goes to bed and I should has been fruitless. I am going to persevere tonight, though.



So - Teddy turned one on the 20th of January. My parents came down in the afternoon and GrandmaNonna made one of his favourite dinners - BisNonna's chicken and potatoes. He was thrilled.

She also made a traditional Italian cake, which is filled with lemon creme. He really didn't know what to make of it (see photgraphic evidence). Nor did he understand why he was getting presents. But he received a lot of phone calls (Nanny and Poppy, Uncle Barry, Aunt Wendy and the girls, BisNonna, Aunt Pat, Fred and the girls, and many more), received some wonderful gifts and had a great day.

They threw him a little party at Daphne's the following day, too.

The Sunday following his birthday, we threw a little party for some of his friends (aka our friends with children). Rory came with his parents (Aunt Isha and Uncle Joe, and Emma), Claire brought Uncle Mark and Aunt Tania, and Sarah and Dave brought Elliott and Adeleine and Isaac (their twins). Below, you can see an excited (and blurry) Teddy hanging with all the kids. We served ice cream cake, which Teddy did not understand. "Why is this so cold?" he seemed to ask. The adults, Emma and Elliott enjoyed it, though. And Teddy once again got some cool swag (Mommy still has to write the Thank you notes. This weekend - I swear!).


Are these (blurry) kids not super cute. Poor Claire didn't even make the shot.

The week after Teddy's birthday party was fun but uneventful. Then - the visitors descended! Daphne was away for over a week at the beginning of February. Her son and his wife who live in Korea had a baby and she wanted to meet her grandson. As a result, Teddy's grandparents looked after him. My Mom (and Dad, at various points) watched Teddy on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. My inlaws came up to Ottawa and watched Teddy on the Thursday and Friday. They stayed until Superbowl Sunday, when my parents came back and watched Teddy on the following Monday and Tuesday.

Then, four days later, our friends Blaine and Colleen came up for the weekend with Aidan, their son who's 4 months older than Teddy. It was a busy weekend -- Aidan is very active and climbs like a monkey - but we skated on the canal and watched the Olympics. I also attended a baby shower for our friend Cathy.

On the Teddy-specific front:

• he's weighing in around 25 lbs and continues to be a great eater. He's down to two bottles of bmilk per day (and two of cow's milk) and that's going well. My supply has totally dropped, but with the frozen stash we will make it to at least 14 months. I am going to write a whole post about my lactating experience, so you squeamish readers - take note!
• he is such a happy kid. He cried a couple times when my inlaws were here and my father-in-law exclaimed "That's the first time in 48 hours that he's shed a tear!"
• he is walking like a total champ, and can easily pull himself up. He still crawls, but generally only to a place where he can either push or pull himself into the standing position.
• he's trying to speak - he will say 'cat' and tries to say 'apple'. Lots of 'Dada!" and some "Mama!". He makes a crazy "Aieeeee-ooooo" sound when he follows the cats. On Sunday, he followed Aidan around making the same sounds, so ???

We are doing well - keeping very busy with work and home. I am indulging in lots of Olympic viewing - I LOVE the games. Dave and I get super excited watching events where Canadians can do well - you should have seen us with the Alexandre Bilodeau win. Alex's father works at Dave's firm, so we knew about him well before the games, but he's just so wonderful! Such a sweet kid! Inspired by his older brother with Cerebral Palsy! Fluently bilingual and so optimistic and gracious! He's doing the country proud.

I'd better get ready for bed, but don't worry. I have a bunch of stories to tell soon, so I won't be away for long, I promise!

Soon to be footloose and fancy free again. Sort of.

As I Tweeted earlier in the week, Teddy's passport came in! The photo is adorable (it can be seen on Dave's blog) and it's good for three years. And I am thrilled -- this means that we can GO PLACES AGAIN!!

At the risk of alienating any readers who don't know me in person (hello Maggie and Salome Ellen; my remaining readership consists of about 8 people including my close friends, my husband and my parents), I will add a disclaimer. I KNOW that the upcoming whine is coming from someone in a position of privilege. I know how fortunate I am to have the means to do all the things I am about to discuss and I am incredibly thankful for it. We are financially responsible and we prioritize other things in our lives so that we can afford to travel as we do. And travelling is my THING, my favourite thing. Dave's proposal centred around our future travel plans (ooo...I will have to blog about that someday), and we've spent hours talking about where we dream of taking kids. Well, I've been the one talking while Dave listens. This will not surprise anyone who knows me, either!

Since we can now legally cross borders, and since Dave's firm is closing all offices for the two days after Canada Day (5 day weekend!), we are heading off to Vermont for a long weekend of R&R (aka shopping and siteseeing, eating and drinking) with my parents. I CANNOT WAIT. I am nearly vibrating in anticipation. Because, you guys, this is the LONGEST I HAVE EVER GONE without going somewhere that isn't the home of my parents, my Nonna or my inlaws.

As I have already mentioned, travel is my thing. I've been to 9 provinces, 33 states and 28 countries on 4 continents. My parents and I started travelling in earnest by the summer of 1985, just before I turned eight. Thought we'd vacationed a lot before that, we began going on 2 big trips per year, and lots of little trips in the meantime. This continued all through elementary and high school (with me adding school trips) and University (again with trips for conferences and studying abroad). This travel-lust (not wanderlust, as I don't really want to move) has only intensified since school ended and I started having an actual income. And since we got married - watch out. For posterity, here's where I've been since October 2004:

Year 1 (2004-05): Mediterranean Cruise (Italy, Croatia, Greece, France, Spain), Windsor (woot; Paul and Heather's wedding), Michigan (Ben & Erin's wedding, Katie visit), Las Vegas (Dave's 30th),Vermont.

Year 2 (2005-06): Halifax, Caribbean cruise (St. Thomas, St. Maarten, Bahamas), Vancouver (twice), St. John's, Baltic Cruise (England, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Russia, Estonia, Germany, Denmark), Michigan, Bermuda.

Year 3 (2006-07): Las Vegas, Vancouver, Calgary and the Rockies, Vermont (twice), St. John's, Edmonton (Deepa & David's wedding).

Year 4 (2007-08): Las Vegas, Chicago, New Zealand, Australia, Vermont, Alabama and Georgia, Vancouver, Alaska.

(This only includes trips that required a border crossing, a flight or a car trip longer than 7 hours. This doesn't include trips to Montreal, Quebec City or Toronto -- there have been many, nor camping trips, etc.)

And since August 2008 - I've been nowhere. Poor Dave has been to New Jersey twice for work. There's a very good reason why we've been homebound, and he's totally worth it. But I am ITCHING TO GO!!

Happily, we have a number of trips planned for the upcoming months. And not a moment too soon. Teddy is scheduled to hit another province (his third, since we live on the QC border), 6 states and 3 other countries before his first birthday. Passport stamps, here we come!

100 Things About Me (or My Life)

I know it is tacky to resort to a meme so soon, but this is probably the easiest way to outline my backstory. So, without further adieu:

1. My first and middle names are Sarah Helen. Helen was for my Dad’s favourite great aunt, a lovely Victorian lady. Sarah is a traditional family name on my father’s side. My Mom also taught a Sarah that she loved. Finally – both the Anglophone and the Italian relatives could SAY Sarah, so that was a win.

2. If I had been a boy, I would have been named Stephen.

3. The name of this blog is a nod to my maiden name (which I still use, as I hyphenated my name when I got married). It was a pseudo-nickname in high school, and I am sure I will be singing that song in the very near future.

4. My Dad’s family has been in Canada for generations. We have Loyalists, Irish Catholics and Habitants from New France in our family tree.

5. My Mom was born in Italy and moved here when she was 7.

6. I enjoy being a mix of all these different cultures.

7. I was born in a suburb on Montreal, QC.

8. I am a Libra. I was born on the feast day of the Guardian Angels.

9. I am an only child. My Mom had a difficult pregnancy with me, and I was an emergency caesarian section. The doctors advised her not to risk pregnancy again.

10. My family moved to suburban Toronto, ON when I was 17 months old (30 years ago this weekend, in fact).

11. We were part of the Anglophone exodus from the province of Quebec after the election of the separatist government in 1976. The company my Dad worked for, as well as hundreds of others, moved to the Toronto area and so did we. Which is strange, as we all speak French.

12. I am the tallest member of my immediate family at 5ft4. My Dad is a hair smaller than me and my Mom is 5ft.

13. Though he is not tall, every guy I have dated (including those over 6 ft tall) has been either intimidated by or terrified of my Dad.

14. My Dad is smart. Really smart. As in I still believe that my Dad is one of the smartest people I know.

15. You want him on your trivia team. The man knows facts about everything!

16. I like to think that I take after him in this way.

17. My Mom is no slouch in the intelligence department, either.

18. When she moved to Canada, she spoke absolutely no English. Seven months later, she spoke English fluently and had finished both 1st and 2nd grade.

19. My parents met at a homecoming football game for their University. My Dad was back in town visiting mutual friends.

20. This fact is hilarious, given that my mother is so not a sports fan. She believed that the offense and defense switched because one side was tired.

21. I am a huge sports fan, thanks to my Dad. I will be the one teaching sports to my kids.

22. My father worked for over 30 years as a food chemist. He spent the longest stretch of his career at Lipt*n.

23. My mother, before her retirement, was an elementary school French teacher for over 30 years.

24. They are both retired. They relocated to a town about 40 minutes from us, which is wicked.

25. I had the amazing good fortune to work at both their workplaces (summer jobs with my Dad, supply teaching with my Mom) and it was so amazing to see how great they were at their jobs and how well respected they were.

26. Most of my family members are teachers.

27. I am a Roman Catholic., as is virtually all of my family with the exception of my paternal grandmother.

28. I attended Catholic school until I went to University.

29. In the province of Ontario, Catholic education is publicly funded.

30. The patron saint of my elementary school was St. Francis of Assisi.

31. My high school was named after a former bishop of our diocese. It was in the next town over, so I was bussed to high school. This meant more snow days when buses were cancelled.

32. Though I had lots of friends, I was a nerd in school. For example, I had the top average in both elementary and high school, and won student of the year and school spirit awards when I graduated. NERD!

33. My family traveled a lot as I was growing up. At first, it was mostly in Canada and the US. Over time, we headed off to Europe and all over the world.

34. I have been to 9 provinces and 33 states. I try to keep the number of states visited above my age.

35. I have also visited over 30 countries on 4 different continents.

36. My travel goals include: visiting all 7 continents, visiting all the provinces and territories, visiting all the states and visiting all the countries on the European land mass.

37. My husband’s name is Dave. He blogs at: http://touchyoulast.blogspot.com/ .
38. He is hilariously funny. He is also incredibly considerate and terribly good looking.

39. Dave’s parents are from Newfoundland, our easternmost province and the last to join Confederation. For those of you who aren’t Canadian, Newfoundlanders are like no other Canadians. Their accents sound Irish (since the bulk of the islanders have Irish ancestors) and they know how to drink! Their hospitality knows no bounds.

40. My husband and I went to the same elementary school. Our parents lived about three blocks from each other.

41. He is two years older. As such, we were not exactly close as children. I knew who he was and thought he was weird. It was the spiky haircut.

42. We also attended the same high school, where we became friends because we were both drama nerds. He was one of my closest friends in high school well before we started dating.

43. The big production at our high school each year was a musical. We were both in “Bye, Bye Birdie”, “Pippin” and “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat”. He assistant directed our version of “The Wiz” which I was in.

44. Hilariously, I was “The Wiz” in that musical. It should be noted that our Catholic school was 99% white. Such a strange choice of musical.

45. I was also in two non-musicals, “Exit the Body” and “The Mousetrap”. My best friend, Beth, was also in both of these. More on Beth later in the list.

46. The best of all of these was “Joseph”. So much fun, and the cast was amazing.

47. We jokingly got engaged at a Barenaked Ladies concert the summer before my grade 12 year. I told him that I was going to marry him and he said “OK”. As a result, we’d been ‘engaged’ for about a year before we actually ended up dating. My then current boyfriend wasn’t a big fan of Dave.

48. He dated a number of my friends in high school. To their credit, all were thrilled when we finally got together in the summer of 1995.

49. Dave and I dated for 2.5 years, though we were at different universities in cities four hours apart for 1.5 of those years. We broke up in January 1998.

50. We remained good friends throughout the breakup. I dated someone else for over a year, but the breakup with Dave was never a clean one.

51. In January 2000, half way through our fourth year, Dave and I got back together. We’ve been together ever since.

52. I attended this University http://www.uoguelph.ca/ . Attending it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

53. I did my undergraduate and Master’s degrees there, studying Food Science.

54. My blog url is a nod to my computer-assigned email address at University. It is so odd that NO ONE else ever wants it.

55. I lived in residence for 3 years (the last year I was president of my 600 person residence hall).

56. For the next 3 years I lived in an apartment in a funky old Edwardian house downtown, steps from the river.

57. The city of Guelph is lovely. I miss both the school and the town, but find that Ottawa is just a bigger, bilingual version of Guelph.

58. My university nicknames included SarahMac and Smac.

59. Smac stuck. I went through 3 or 4 years where the only people who called me ‘Sarah’ were my family and Dave. People would say to me “We know that you are Smac, but what is your real name?”

60. My nerdy ways continued in University. I was involved in student governance, in Senate, in work with my faculty and other volunteer work on and off campus.

61. I still fit in a great deal of drinking, though. The age of majority in Ontario is 19, and I turned that right at the beginning of my first year.

62. One of the coolest things I was able to do was to study abroad, via Michigan State University. I went to Europe, then to Asia, to study International Food Laws. Both were AMAZING experiences.

63. These led me to pursue a career in the public service.

64. My Master’s degree, though in a scientific field, was an analysis of international laws and regulations. Seriously – NERD!

65. Dave and I got engaged in July 2003.

66. One day I will tell the proposal story. It involves breaking into my wallet, a list of places we want to visit written on a napkin, and wearing jeans during a heat wave.

67. We were married in October, 2004. Our anniversary is exactly one week after my birthday.

68. It was a big Italian-Newfie Catholic wedding. We were married in our home parish. The reception was at an Italian Canadian banquet hall, so there was good food and an open bar. It was a blast.

69. Dave and I went on a Mediterranean cruise for our honeymoon. It was our first cruise, and we LOVED it.

70. It was also Dave’s first time outside of North America. His first city – Venice. He hadn’t believed me when I had told him (even showing him my photos) that there really are no roads. It was fun to watch him absorb the culture.

71. We have since introduced my parents to cruising and they are HUGE FANS.

72. We have now cruised in the Caribbean, the Baltic, to Bermuda, and to New Zealand and Australia. I went with my parents to Alaska this past summer as well.

73. My favourite country is Italy.

74. My favourite city is Florence.

75. The countries I have visited to which I am dying to get back: Russia and Australia. Australia is the only country to which I have entertained thoughts of immigrating. Also Thailand (though I don't want to move there).

76. Countries that I have not yet visited yet am dying to: Ireland, South Africa, Tanzania, Egypt, Peru, Argentina.

77. I don’t think I will be getting to them any time soon, though, with a newborn.

78. We currently live in a suburb of Ottawa (part of the megacity of Ottawa). It is an adorable community of about 10,000 people, completely surrounded by greenspace (trails, soccer fields, etc.). It has a library, and arena, a grocery store, etc. It is like a little town within a city, and it we love it.

79. We moved to Ottawa the same week we got married. I moved up first; I moved to a new city, started a new job and got married in an 8 day period.

80. For our first 3 years, we rented a funky apartment in the manse of a Lutheran church near the city centre. We made our rent cheques out to that parish.

81. We purchased our house in August of 2007. The house was built in 1967 (great workmanship, hardwood floors throughout, but an ensuite and other amenities. SCORE!) and we purchased it from the original owner. She is in her late 80s.

82. Our neighbourhood is about 60-40 anglophone-francophone. This is fun for me, as I speak French fluently.

83. My job hinges on me speaking French fluently, in fact. And has nothing to do with what I studied in school.

84. My exact job will likely change while I am away on maternity leave. I am not sure exactly what I will be doing when I return.

85. We have two cats, both of whom were adopted from the Humane Society.

86. Gunther is a big brown and black tabby. I saw him on Petfinder and fell in love; I call him my online love.

87. When we went to the humane society, I was insistent that we not get a kitten and we not get a long haired cat. We ended up with Morris (aka Moe, MoeMoe, the Zose, the Dode).

88. Moe is a long-haired tuxedo cat who was 4 months when we adopted him. He seduced Dave in the room of kittens. It was love at first sight.

89. Though we have had them for 3.5 years, the cats really don’t like each other. They tolerate each other, and will occasionally groom each other, but each would really prefer to be the sole cat of the household.

90. Neither of the cats meow like you would expect. One meeps (Moe, the little one) and one kind of groans (Gunther, the big one). Our kids will not do so well on the “what sound does a cat make?” portion of the test.

91. Since the arrival of the baby, the cats have been a bit stressed out. His cries do sometimes sound like a cat in distress.

92. As mentioned above, my best girlfriend’s name is Beth. I should note that her full name is now Dr. Beth Snow; she has a PhD in Nutritional Sciences.

93. Beth blogs at: www.drbethsnow.com/blog. I occasionally guest post over there. Beth calls me the “resident historian/political commentator”, a title for which I hold no real qualifications besides being a self-trained history nerd.

94. Beth and I met in 4th grade; all the ‘gifted’ kids in our school district got thrown together several times a year, and though we went to different schools we bonded over our mutual love of the Blue Jays. We hit the same school in the 9th grade. Beth also did her MSc. at the same Univsersity as me.

95. Beth now lives in Vancouver. Impressively, we still see each other several times a year. I miss her, though, and wish that she lived closer. But this gives me an excuse to visit Vancouver and eat and drink. Vancouver restaurants and local beers ROCK!

96. I have other friends whom I love dearly, but none of them have blogs, so I will not highlight them in this list.

97. I love pop culture, and am not too proud to admit that I love TV. My favourite TV show of all time is “Veronica Mars”. I MISS YOU, LOGAN ECHOLLS.

98. I started reading blogs (which were really just personal websites) back in 2000 or 2001.

99. I started reading Mom blogs (most of which were infertility blogs) in late 2003/early 2004. They have been part of my daily routine ever since.

100. And now…here I am, adding my thoughts to the noise on the internet.

Giving in to the inevitable...

It has been 8 years of reading blogs (well, diary-like websites) and 5 years of reading Mom blogs. I have been commenting for years, and guest posting on both Dave's site and Beth's site for years. I give up! I will pollute the internet with my thoughts on my own blog!

Plus, I had a baby 11 days ago. I want to record the moments of his life, and this is an easy way to do it. It will help distract me as I continue to romance the M*edela pump. Introduction and details to follow.