The end of this phase

The bags (mine and the children's) and lunches (mine and Dave's) are packed. The outfits are chosen and set aside. I just finished my last load of cloth diaper laundry...and least until next weekend. I'll need to head to bed really soon, as I'll be heading out the door around 6:30 a.m. tomorrow (and even earlier for most days after that).

I'm due back to work tomorrow. And I'm surprisingly chill about it. It's what I need to do right now for everyone's future, and we adore our care provider. Big, unbloggable-for-now stuff continues to happen, and it's a busy, exciting, and sometimes nervous time. If you're a pray-er, would you mind keeping all the members of our little family in your prayers tomorrow?

But oh! I have really enjoyed this phase. I never expected to enjoy being home with my kids so much, but here we are. I mean, we hope to be blessed with more kids, so maybe I'll end up back here again. But there are no guarantees, so I've tried -- not always sucessfully -- to enjoy the little moments of the day with the kiddos. The random dance parties, the hours spent at the park, the snuggles...and tried to focus less on the not-as-rosy parts. It has been a great ride with these two, and even though the rhythm of our days will change drastically starting tomorrow, I will always cherish the memory of these years and look forward to different memories in the future.

I wonder who'd play Stringer Bell?

Both my kids are starting Speech Therapy, though for different reasons. I am torn about how much to talk about it here -- it's not my story to tell, and I'm not even 100% sure what T's underlying issues are, but that's what been eating up a lot of my mental energy that's not related to the unbloggable stuff.

We are super fortunate because one of my friends from University is an SLP, now lives in the area, and has just started taking patients again after having 3 kids. Julie is AMAZING, loves working with preschoolers, and is excited to be working with my guys. Teddy will be getting assessed next week, and Veronica had her first session today. It went really well.

I'm not sure if it's our encouragement, or the fact that she's 23 months today, but Veronica has recently embraced the word "No" with such enthusiasm it defies description. She busts it out in hilarious ways, but this afternoon took the cake. While I was doing dinner prep, she sat in her brother's chair, played with books and toys, and -- I kid you not -- had a 4 minute chirpy conversation only using the word 'no' in as may possible ways as possible.


It was like something out of "The Wire", only G-rated.

July is flying by...

Summer's a scorcher around here. In the five years we've lived in this house, it has never been this dry. Our yard is shady, but any non-shaded grass anywhere is yellow and dead. It's over 40 C with humidex today (so over 100 F) and wow! I'm very thankful to have air conditioning.

So - hello! Time is flying, flying, flying. But four weeks from today, I will be back at my full-time job. I am incredibly fortunate to still have a job to go back to after two years, especially in light of all the government cuts happening (my job is unaffected). If I stayed off on unpaid leave, though, they'd be able to back-fill my position and with so many people whose jobs have been eliminated, this is not a great time to be searching. So, back to work for me.

My return is tied to something potentially awesome, something as-yet-unbloggable, which is eating up all spare time and causing lengthy absences from stuff Twitter. I'll be able to talk about it eventually, but for right now, it's keeping us hopping.

My plan is to try to post SOMETHING every day over the next 4 weeks, because I won't be able to do much once I'm back at work. It'll likely be a lot of stuff about the kids, but there you go.

I hope that you're all well!

Greg

Three years ago today, our friend Greg took his life. He was the husband of my dear friend Jen, but a good friend of ours in his own right. Even now, I find it hard to believe that he's gone. He had turned 31 mere days before his death.

At his funeral, the minister's sermon reflected on the exact same passage I'd read at my beloved Aunt Floriana's funeral 3 months earlier. And wouldn't you know it -- it was in my 'read the whole bible in a year' project - it was today's New Testament Passage as well. I am not sure I'll ever read Romans 8 without crying about loved ones dying too soon, but it contains such a message of hope:

"What will separate us from the love of Christ? Will anguish, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or the sword? As it is written: “For your sake we are being slain all the day; we are looked upon as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8, 35-39.

Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, and may light perpetual shine upon him. May he rest in peace.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Is this thing on?

So. Hello there.

I can't believe that it's been over 2 months since I posted. There has been a lot going on, but I just haven't known how to write about it. And Twitter is stressing me out a bit, too. I can't follow all the conversations, so I find myself just avoiding it. I guess that Lent has meant a bit of an internet fast for me, too.

Teddy is approaching 3.5, which is awesome and dreadful at the same time. He's FUNNY, trying to make us laugh, and he is much more likely to tell us stories and sing us songs. But he's increasingly inflexible when it comes to his desires, especially those relating to Thomas that Tank Engine. We're not looking forward to 3.5, but he's generally a sweet little boy and a joy to have around.

Veronica is now the EXACT age that Teddy was when she was born. Boy - we thought that he was SO BIG; little did we know. She's a cuddly little sweetheart, but she WILL NOT say anything you want her to. She knows how to say things, but she just WON'T. I'm starting to get a wee bit worried about her lack of speech, but we're keeping an eye on it. The fact that she recently had her first ear infection isn't helping. Poor baby -- perforated ear drum, and now she has a non-allergic amox rash. But she's very sweet -- she greets everyone with a "Hi-ya!!" and blows kisses goodbye. She even does this when she's desperate to leave. At the doctor's office (the inside of which we've seen many times of late), she starts blowing kisses at him the second she sees him. "Get me out of here, stat!!", I imagine she's saying.

The two of them generally get along well. Yesterday, they walked a bit while holding hands, and they hug often. I really hope that they'll be friends.

Dave has been really busy with work and his big dream stuff. He's sick this week, which is unusual. He's plowing through, but he's looking forward to having some time off soon.

I am doing well. February was tough (though far tougher on people I care about). My best friend Beth lost her father, which sucked. That's part of the reason for the silence; I'm not sure what to say about it. One year earlier, another one of our friends lost her dad, and a third's dad is in long term palliative care. We're turning 35 and our dads are in their mid-sixties; I just figured that we'd have more time with them, you know? It all just stinks.

I've also gotten sucked into "Bones". It's on Netflix here in Canada, and I thought I'd give it a shot. It's solid, not amazing, but I'm enjoying it. I figured that I'd like the David Boreanaz character best, but I did not expect to develop a huge TV crush on one of the scientists! It helps that the character is hilarious, sweet, and looks like a blend of Dave and the guy I dated for a year when Dave and I broke up during University. So - loving Dr. Jack Hodgins over here. Mmm...Hodgins.

Anyway, that's some of the goings on around here. Next week, we're heading off on a long-planned transatlantic trip, about which I should blog before we go. We can't wait!

I hope that you all have a wonderful Easter weekend.

Breastfeeding and Guilt - My Take

Breastfeeding. One of the hottest button issues to talk about with fellow moms, or in general. I've wanted to write about my experiences with breastfeeding for so long, but I've hesitated. I've written about 10 posts in my head and have 2 in my drafts folder, but they never seemed right. I've never posted a comprehensive post about what I've basically spent the past 3 years doing every few hours.

There's been a lot of talk about breastfeeding in my Twitter stream lately, and Arwen wrote a wonderful post on the subject of Breastfeeding and Guilt. Go read it; it's great. Also check out Emily's comment, which is spot on. Rather than completely take over Arwen's comment section with my take on the situation, I thought I'd write about it here. I want to have a post talking about my experiences, especially since the situation with Teddy was atypical.

I've been very fortunate. Both of my children have had breastmilk for at least 17 months. But guilt has fueled both of these experiences. It's an odd guilt -- guilt that I'd failed Teddy in utero and in the first days of his life.

Tongue-tie runs in Dave's family. Dave is tongue-tied, and we always joked that if we had boys, they'd have it. While pregnant with Teddy, I knew that he'd probably be tongue-tied. I spoke to my midwives and my doulas about it as well as the nurses at the hospital. I lined up a 'breast-feeding buddy' through a city-run program so I could get support and I knew when all the clinics were all over the city. We took courses, I watched videos and bought reference books. Being a first time mother who'd never breast-fed before, I think I did as much as I could.

Teddy was born with a posterior tongue-tie. It's so far back that it's difficult to diagnose. The nurses and midwives didn't spot it. I knew that something was wrong, but it wasn't until we went to a lactation clinic that the IBCLCs spotted it, realized that he wasn't really latching, and got me pumping at the end of Day 2. I couldn't even pump enough to cover the bottom of the bottles; I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life as I tried. By the time my midwife came by the next morning, Teddy was down from 8lbs 4 oz to 7lbs 3 oz with his clothes on.

Day 3 postpartum ranks up there as the worst day(s) of my life.

So Dave had to race out and get formula, and he bounced back right away. Every two hours, we fed him any milk I could pump and topped it up with formula. My milk started to come in that day, and he just kept gaining and gaining. The midwives came every 12 hours to check on him (LOVE them) and he was great. But we struggled to find ANYWHERE that would do a tongue-tie release.

He had the release done on Day 5, but it was only partial. He still couldn't get much when he latched, but I pumped my way into an oversupply so that he'd be drowning in milk. No word of a lie - I was getting over 1.5 L per day (50 oz). But when he was 2 weeks old, we got thrush and kept passing it back and forth. After several weeks of that, I gave up trying to get him to nurse and just pumped.

Oh, that pump. It SUUUUUCKED. And the stupid flanges (even 3 sizes up) were awful and kept giving me plugged ducts which lead to mastitis. Weeks and weeks of awful mastitis. The pump couldn't move the milk, so I had to hand-express to keep the milk moving. In the midst of all this, my Aunt Floriana died, so we were dealing with all her funeral, mourning, and I was just a hot mess.

Everyone around me told me that I could stop (maybe should stop) because it was too much. But I was like a woman possessed; my kid was going to get breast milk no matter what. Also, my supply was bullet-proof. Even with mastitis it didn't drop for long.

So I kept on going. I switched to hand expressing full time, and the mastitis cleared up, as did all the pain. It was SO MUCH more convenient and easier (especially during a 12 hour power outage), so I just doing it. I slowed down gradually when I realized that the entire bottom of our massive chest freezer was full of milk. I kept it up until Teddy was 14 months old, and I was over 5 months pregnant with Veronica. He had enough milk in the freezer to take him past 17 months.

I look back now and why was I so consumed with it? I think it's because I felt like I'd failed him as a tiny baby. I hadn't been able to advocate for him and he'd lost all that weight. I'd been unable to find a doctor to address the issue. I couldn't help my baby in the way he needed to be helped, but I COULD DO THIS. So that's what I clung to.

Now Veronica does not have a tongue-tie. She, however, had a complicated delivery. She was intubated 3 times and had chest compressions, and she just did not want to nurse right away. But her latch didn't hurt like Teddy's and she wasn't losing as much weight, so I thought we were on the right track with nursing.

Then Day 3 rolled around and we discovered that she'd lost 10% of her birth weight. She wasn't anywhere as dehydrated as Teddy had been, but it was not good. I am not ashamed to say that I sobbed like I'd been stabbed in the heart. But Jackie, my amazing midwife, realized that her suction reflex had been thrown off by the intubation. She suggested that we finger-feed her using the last lonely bag of Teddy's breast milk from the freezer. And she reminded me that on Day 3, the tears bring in the milk.

I HATE YOU DAY 3.

So I nursed Veronica and then Dave would finger-feed her as much extra milk as she wanted. But about 12 hours later, my milk came in with a vengeance. Seriously -- I felt my entire torso was undergoing electric shocks. She was no longer interested in finger feeding, and when Jackie came back to weigh her 24 hours later, she'd gained 7 oz. She regained her birth weight before she was 1 week old.

And yet - I was PETRIFIED that I wasn't producing enough milk. She was consistently in the 95th percentile for weight, and I was nervous before every weigh-in. I still catch myself worrying and she's 17 months old!

My terrible time with Teddy and my rough start with Veronica have caused me to stress about my supply. I won't chance cold medicine, as it is known to make your supply drop. I worried about missing feedings so much that I was never away from her for more than 3.5 hours until she was 14 months old. She never took a bottle. I am still rarely away from her for more than 4 or 5 hours.

I suspect that I'm also trying to atone for my failure to effectively nurse Teddy by nursing her as often as she wants for as long as she wants. I'd have given anything to have had it work with Teddy, so I'd better not take this for granted. Am I turning it into penance for my belief that I let her brother down?

This guilt comes entirely from my own psyche. Everyone around me has been so supportive of me and was so proud of how hard I worked for Teddy. Heck - I'm proud of how hard I worked to feed Teddy. But man - did the Mom guilt ever start early for me.

My 2012 Resolutions/Goals

I've been plotting this post in my head for 2 weeks now, so I'd better get it written. I'd really like to record my goals for the year and put them up here to help make myself accountable. And I am going to try to group them into categories...that start with F. Because, why not?

This is driven by my fear (another f word) that I'm getting nothing done, that I'm just spinning my wheels. I'd like to do updates quarterly, if not monthly, to stay on track.

Family

1. Develop a more structured routine for the children, especially on days when Teddy doesn't have preschool. The child LOVES routine, and on the days where we don't have one, I spend much of the day with him begging to watch The Backyardigans or Thomas.

2. Reduce mindless screen time for all of us. I am so bad with this. It's just so easy to pop on an episode so that I can get laundry put away without two little kids crying for my attention. In the evenings, it's so easy for me to lose myself on Twitter or Google Reader. But I want my kids to be imaginative and this is the time to nurture their development.

3. Have a minimum of one family adventure per month. This can be to a museum, a local park, a movie, skating on the canal, sledding, a trip - anything along those lines. For the majority of them, I'd like for them to be cheap or free.

4. Have at least one 'Date Night” per month. These can be 'you pick the movie and I'll watch with no complaining or distractions', or dinners out (like the ones we have when we cruise), but I'd like to have at least 12 this year.

Friends

1. Visit/chat with one old friend per month. I feel that friends are drifting out of my life, even those who live nearby, so I want to devote time to replenishing these friendships.

2. Send Birthday Cards/Anniversary to all loved ones this year, and get back into sending “Thank You” cards. Card-making is my hobby, but I often feel that I don't have enough time to make nice ones. I need to get over myself and just do it.

Family Home

1. Better organize the toys. We need a better system, as the current one is killing me. We need better storage and a method of toy rotation. This will likely end up bleeding into the next task, too.

2. Tackle 6 organizing and 6 decorating or small renovation projects. They'll likely be inexpensive ones, as we're on the austerity plan for the next few years. But August will mark our 5^th anniversary in this house, a house in which we still haven't hung our art. A fact that is totally the fault of my perfectionism. Poor Dave. This will include: better organizing my card-making supplies, as well as getting blackout blinds for the bedrooms that don't have them.

3. Try making laundry detergent. I love my Nellie's (which is almost identical to the homemade stuff), but I am going to give this a try once this year.

Faith

1. Develop a routine for prayer. This year, I once again used Jen's 'Random Saint Generator' to help me find a patron/patroness for the year. Last year's was the lovely St. Anne (grandmother of Jesus). This year? St. Dorothy of Montau. People seek her intercession for such things as: 'Against Death In Children', 'Marital Problems'. She's also a patroness of 'Widows'. GULP. I have no idea what this year has in store for me, but I'd better get my prayer life sorted.

2. Go to confession at least 6 times. That'd be 4 more times than last year!

3. Be better organized with the Familia Group that I'm leading, as well as the one in which I am participating. I was really late with the follow-up email after our last meeting, and I do not want that to happen again.

4. Work on prayer with the kids. I also hope that this will keep me in the moment more; I've always struggled with that.

5. Pray the usual novenas, and perhaps add one more.

Food

1. Attempt 30 new recipes. That's more than 2 a month. Let's do this!

2. Have 12 new go-to recipes. I'll need to try a whole bunch before the year is out in order to pull this off (see #1), and they can be in any category, but I want 12 new ones mastered by year's end. Some I'd like to have: the blueberry scones Arwen served, escargot, quinoa salad, Crockpot black beans, Johnny cake, and my Nonna's pizza.

3. Better organize my meal-planning. I'll need to organize all the new recipes I'm trying, anyway, so this is just a logical extension. More lists!

4. Make one meal per week from the pantry or the freezer. I generally do this, but I want to ensure that I'm using up my stockpiles so I'm making this a goal.

5. Be vigilant at introducing new foods to Veronica. I was spoiled by Teddy, who was an incredibly adventurous eater. While she loves fruit, her current preferences lean towards fat and carbs. We need her to eat more protein and vegetables.

6. Join a CSA and plant a garden again. Full disclosure – I am currently reading “Raising Elijah” by Sandra Steingraber and it's terrifying me. Last year, I tried to garden in pots in our incredibly shady backyard. I got 1 bell pepper, 5 tomatoes, and maybe 30 cherry tomatoes. So – not so great. I did, however, grow delicious herbs that I am still using. So I'll try the cherry tomatoes again, and will definitely grow the herbs, but I want to support local farmers and have access to delicious, fresh produce. This will also help me accomplish #5 and #1 above!
7. Try my hand at preserving. It might be tomatoes, it might end up being freezer jam, but I'd like to give this a shot.

Finance

1. Transfer the money for our TFSAs and Veronica's RESP ASAP. I'd like to send this to Jim within the next 2 weeks.

2. Continue tweaking the austerity plan budget to ensure our savings goals are met. I'd love to have a month where we buy nothing that isn't essential. Maybe during Lent I'll go for it.

3. Make over $1000 by selling/consigning things. I must get off my butt and sell the double stroller we never use, and some of our old diapers now that Teddy is potty training. I also need to bring more of my things to the consignment store.

4. Add info to our financial tracking documents so that all our stuff would be easy to access in case of tragedy. This one is depressing as heck, but

Fitness

1. Start running again. We have a treadmill in the basement, so there's no need to run on the ice.

2. Run a 5k before the end of the year. It can be a fun one or a charity one, but do it.

3. Eat less junk and drink lots of water.

4. Go to bed every night by 11. I am TERRIBLE at this. I hope that the reduced screen time will help with this, too.

Future Planning

1. Set aside 5 hours per week (on average) to support Dave's big dream. Sorry to be so cryptic right now, but I have to keep it quiet. This will evolve as time goes on, but I need to set this goal.

2. Develop comprehensive tools (plans, budget) to support this, with professional help when needed. This, too, is a vital goal.

Formation

1. Read, watch or listen to something in French every day. Prayers count, too. I'll need to use French every day when I go back to work, so I need to flex these muscles again!

2. Read 75 books and recap them in a blog post. I managed to read 60 last year (recap post forthcoming), while abandoning another 20 or so because they were AWFUL, so I think this is doable. What? Reading keeps me sane.

Fun

1. Travel for pleasure at least 4 times this year. Details for 2 of these trips are already booked while another is in the works, but I think this is doable.

2. Watch at least 5 of the TV shows on DVD that we own. It's hilarious – we have a whole bunch of these that we keep meaning to watch, but don't. I'm thinking: FNL (I KNOW, OK! It breaks my heart to watch, though), Justified, Sports Night, The Vampire Diaries, and something on Netflix (maybe Bones).

3. Don't feel guilty about taking some time for me. That said, don't feel resentful that personal time is limited. I'm at the stage in my life where I need to view these activities as treats – things to savour and enjoy but not my full diet.

Finish What You've Started

1. Complete the album from our Australia/NZ trip (that was in Feb. 2008). Oy.

2. Write at least 12 blogs posts about the kids and what they're up to. My blog is serving as a de facto baby book right now, and I'm slacking. I should also document other stuff we're doing, too, but the stuff about the kids is both charming and fleeting.

3. Keep writing daily/weekly 'To Do' lists. I do stuff all day long, but I feel like I'm doing nothing. If I keep these lists, I'll stay on track AND feel like I'm accomplishing stuff.

4. Track these goals and do quarterly updates on the blog. At least it'll be blog fodder, and I can tweak the goals as needed.

5. Be ruthless about eliminating time wasters. Time ,while always at a premium, will be even more valuable this year. If the task doesn't tie to one of these goals, then DON'T DO IT!!

I think the very last one will be the hardest for me. But wish me luck, and I promise to keep you posted on my progress.

Seven Quick Takes - Christmas Edition

--- 1 ---

I hope that all of you had a wonderful Christmas! I'm writing this from my father-in-law's laptop; we're in Georgetown until the 2nd of January. It's been hectic, and both the kids are sick, but this year's Advent and holiday season have been wonderful.

--- 2 ---

We had several Christmas parties scattered throughout the month of December. Dave's corporate party was once again at the Chateau Laurier on the 3rd, while the corporate children's party was at the NAC on the 17th. Veronica was mystified by Santa. Teddy? Was NOT a fan this year. He held it together for about 20 seconds, then started bawling. Through his tears, we was able to thank Santa for his gift, give him a high 5, and blow him a kiss. He's such a sweet boy!

We had a party at Mark and Tania's, and Teddy's preschool concert. It's been a busy, busy month but it has been lovely. And the tree went up on Gaudete Sunday! The cats have stayed out of it, for the most part. :)

The Christmas preparation has kicked our butts, but it has been so, so fun this year.

--- 3 ---

Christmas celebrations are always a whirlwind. It's complicated by the fact that the 25th is also my Nonna's birthday; though it's a wonderful thing to celebrate, it adds to the time demands. This year, though, we've hit on a formula we like.

On the 24th, my parents and Nonna came to our house. We had lunch, opened adult gifts during nap time, then let the kids open theirs after nap. We went evening mass (NIGHTMARE! If only there was a mass earlier than 10:30 on Christmas morning at our parish), where the bulk of the congregation were mystified by the new translation. Dave and I opened a present or two after the kids had gone to bed.

--- 4 ---

On the 25th, we did stockings, then jumped in the car and drove 2 hours to Kingston. We all converged on my Uncle Sergio and Sally's house for the Panetta get-together/Nonna's birthday. It was great to have all 16 of us together, my Aunt Pat and crew having come up from Brampton, my parents/Nonna having come from Almonte. We hung out there until the kids were sleepy, then had a crazily long drive back to Ottawa through a snowstorm. Dave and I opened the rest of our gifts, then crashed.

--- 5 ---

On the 26th, we had visits from a couple of friends, and we got organized. It was nice to have a day at home, and we were able to set up Teddy's big boy bed which we'd picked up at my uncle's house the day before. This frame was my Mom's, my Aunt Flo's, my Aunt Pat's, a guest bed, Sierra's, Jacob's, and now Teddy's. It's almost an heirloom...if something from the '60s can be considered one.

--- 6 ---

On the 27th, we headed out for the GTA. We stopped in at my Nonna's house (the kids were so excited to see Bisnonna again), then battled more snow to get to Georgetown. We've been here ever since. We'll be here until the 2nd, able to eat the annual New Year's Day dinner that my inlaws' host. We've missed it for years, so we're glad to be attending this year.

--- 7 ---

The poor kids are both sick. Both have terrible colds and croupy coughs. It sucks being away from home when they're sick, poor babies. They're in good spirits, though.

One great thing about this extended celebration is that the present opening has been spread out over almost a week, so they've appreciated them much more.

And despite the lack of sleep (due to preparation and illness), it has been a wonderful Christmas season. I hope that yours have been as great.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Wherein I admit several shameful secrets...

All over the blogosphere, bloggers are talking about decorations for the Christmas/holiday season. Plans for parties, awesome Advent activities, tree traditions, AMAZING menu plans - it's wonderful. But I feel like such a total holiday slacker, you guys. This is the reason why I'm not on Pinterest. I'd either be consumed by envy or feel awful about myself.

Needless to say, I don't have it together like these ladies. We have a few small decorations, as well as our Advent wreath and our Christmas books, but that's it so far. And I need to confess something else: since our marriage, we've never put up a Christmas tree.

Now, I've decorated many a tree over the years. Our family tree -- the one that now lives in my crawlspace -- and the tree that Beth gave me before she moved to BC were both lovingly decorated by yours truly a number of times. But since we moved to Ottawa, I've been a tree slacker.

We really didn't have a spot to put the tree in our otherwise awesome apartment. We did have an adorable ceramic tree that we'd display, but for '04, '05, and '06, that's all we had. We spent Christmas with my parents, my Nonna, and Dave's parents, though, so we were surrounded by decorations, if not at our own home.

We intended to change this pattern once we moved to the house in 2007. My parents gave me our old tree, happy to be rid of it. What? Their cat cannot resist the temptation to climb it! We got so far as to put up the fake branches, intending to decorate it on Gaudete Sunday. Which happened to be the day I started to miscarry at 12 weeks. The bare tree stayed up until the New Year, as we just really weren't in the mood.

In 2008, I was 37 weeks pregnant with Teddy, and Ottawa was embroiled in the never-ending transit strike which sapped my will to live. I was spending upwards of 3 hours in a car, doing a commute that would normally take less than an hour. Just thinking about that Christmas makes me cringe. No tree for miserable me.

In 2009, I was due pregnant with Veronica and morning sickness had started. Plus, I was due to go back to work on January 2nd, and just didn't want to stress of having to take the tree DOWN as we were going through such a huge transition.

Last year, I had two kids under two and was so.darn.tired.

This year, though, what's my excuse? Frankly, the reason I'm writing this post is to shame me into action. This weekend, we have the time to do it - no holiday parties, no other commitments. No more excuses.

So while I'm admitting stuff, I should probably cop to the fact that I've never cooked my own turkey or roast. We always go to someone else's place for any and all holidays, so I've never needed to! Yes, I'm 34 years old.

Seven Quick Takes - Where We've Been Edition

--- 1 ---

I am alive - I swear! It's just that on November 5th, we loaded into the car and headed south. We crossed at the Thousand Islands Bridge, drove through New York and into Pennsylvania, spending the night in the Poconos. On the 6th, we drove through the Delaware Water Gap and into New Jersey, headed to Cape Liberty. Once there, we embarked on the Celebrity Silhouette for a 12 night cruise to the Caribbean. It? Was a lot of fun.

The trip was to celebrate my Dad's 65th Birthday, and we'd been planning in since April 2010. On the reservation, Veronica was listed as "Baby McLean" as the deposit was made well before her birth. It had been on the calendar for so long, it was almost a shock to have it start.

--- 2 ---

We'd cruised out of NYC before, back in 2006 when we went to Bermuda. It was fun, but I'm not sure I'd do it again. It's great to be avoid worries about luggage restrictions as well as paying for flights. But the weather can get rough. In 2006, we hit the roughest seas I've ever seen when we sailed through a Nor'easter. This time, we hit the outer bands of Tropical Storm Sean. Like a fool, I thought "I'd better not take Bonine because I'm nursing." Not my best idea, let's just say. I got seasick for the first time ever. I caved and took the drugs, thank goodness, so I eventually felt better. But never again.

Also, we weren't big fans of the other cruisers. It was a brand new ship, and so the sailing was touted as a big deal, but the folks on board were GROUCHY. The less said about them, the better.

Silhouette is a lovely ship. We've cruised on one of her sisters, the Equinox, twice before. The Equinox is our favourite ship (possibly in the whole fleet) but we'd go back to Silhouette if the itinerary and the price were right.

--- 3 ---

One of the best parts of this trip was the 'Bonus Shannon Time'. I'm sure I've mentioned Shannon in other posts. She also grew up in Georgetown, practically around the corner from Dave and me, and she and I were close friends/student government nerds in University. She's married to an Australian and lives there now. But the two of them have worked on cruise ships for years, he in the casino and she running the Youth Program. We've had the good fortune to cruise with her twice before, down the West Coast and across the Atlantic. She's currently on a project where she travel to all the ships in the fleet to train Youth Program staff, and she was onboard Silhouette for 8 days along with us. We love you, Shan!

--- 4 ---

We visited some familiar ports (St. Thomas, St. Maarten), and some new ones (St. Kitts, St. Lucia, Antigua). We knew we'd hit beaches in a couple of ports, but we underestimated how much both kids would love the water. Teddy was able to both run towards the water (a no-no at pools) and throw sand/rocks in the water, as well as swim and get hit by waves. Veronica LOVED being in the water, too. We had brought their floaties along, and there made things so much easier. We ended up riding a train in St. Kitts, but in every other port we just went to the beach. After the last 3 beach days in a row, both kids were sun-kissed and exhausted.

--- 5 ---

On our way back, we stayed in Scranton for a couple of days. We celebrated my Dad's actual birthday at Steamtown National Historic Site, which is amazing. I'm not even all that into trains, and I enjoyed it. Teddy and my Dad, though, were in heaven. I highly recommend it.

We almost didn't get there, though. Our original hotel had no water, as the city had inadvertently cut off the supply to a whole section of Dickson City while doing roadwork. Thank goodness that there was room at another, older hotel nearby. Then, a Santa Claus parade that cut off every single access point to Steamtown. No word of a lie - we drove round for 25 minutes and had to illegally drive around barriers to get to the entrance, around which the parade was not running. We were the only people there for the first hour, so we did get the personal touch. But come on Scranton - get your act together! You and your confusing roads and your non-existent signage and your traffic.

--- 6 ---

We got back on the 20th and, well, re-entry has been a bit of a struggle. The kids are doing great; it's me who's struggling! It's such a busy time of year and I feel like I can't get my act together. Twitter is overwhelming me - there's so much going on! Blogging has obviously suffered, especially since I keep thinking: "I need to write something amazing! I've been away for ages." Clue in, Sarah - your writing isn't amazing. That's now why you do this. Stop procrastinating and start doing.

So I'm going to try to post frequently about little things. Stuff like Veronica's sleep improvements, or fun Christmas gifts I've purchased. All the awesome travel stuff I've booked on POINTS ALONE or Teddy's new favourite songs.

You've been warned.

--- 7 ---

One of the awesome trips booked on points? Is to New Orleans next November for The Blathering. I am so, so excited! I've never been to LA, and I'll probably try to take a quick drive to nearby MS so I can visit my 35th and 36th states. I'm flying in early and staying late. NOLA, I am coming for your turtle soup, your beignets, and your hurricanes. Blathering Organizers, I'm at your disposal.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Hallowe'en 2011

I would be remiss if I didn't document this year's Hallowe'en costumes. Teddy was a bat who thought he was a cow, while Veronica was a jack-o-lantern (yep - the PJs she had on in the previous post featured heavily).

They enjoyed fruit snacks, and Teddy had his first Coffee Crisp (a hit). We did get both Canadian Smarties (mmm) and American ones, which we call Rockets. Dave visited homes of neighbours we know, while I handed out the candy.

Anyway - here are the photos. And Happy All Saints' Day!

The Blathering 2011 - Just as Amazing As You'd Imagine.

The summer after my 3rd year at Guelph, I did a European Study Abroad that was run jointly with Michigan State University. I was the only Canadian. And back in the pre-Facebook days, there was no way to really connect with anyone pre-trip. So off I flew to Schipol, knowing no one.

It was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I not only met two incredibly dear friends as well as other friends with whom I'm still in contact, I also completely changed my study and career plans based on the course curriculum. But jumping into the unknown like that was such a learning experience.

I was sad to miss the first two years of the Blathering, I swore I'd go this year. And when it turned out that I'd be once again flying somewhere without having met anyone, I figured "Eh - you've done this before. It'll be fun."

But you guys? It was way better than I'd imagined.

These are the authors of blogs I've been reading for ages, sometimes for years. Following along with the triumphs and challenges of their lives, I feel like I've gotten to know them. So many of these folks feel like Kindred Spirits, people who just get it. And this weekend affirmed my suspicion - it's totally true. It's not often that you can plop into a room of over 40 women and immediately feel like you can just be you. But that's part of the magic of this gathering.

This weekend was an amazing blend of two things: discovering that the folks that I'd ho

ped were great were even greater, and finding a whole bunch of people who jumped immediately into the even greater camp. Sadly, there were a whole bunch of folks with whom I didn't get to spend much time. That's why I can't wait until next year's festivities. A'Dell - I'd be honoured to be deputized if you need another helping hand!

I do want to give some love to the people who made the weekend unforgettable:

- My phenomenal roomies - Lauren and Miriel. Best wing-women ever.

- The Organizers, for all their hard, hard work. Amazing food, drink, decor, setting and atmosphere. And NO DRAMA. You ROCK.

- A'Dell, Emily, and Manda, with whom I'd like to shop for vintage goods and cowboy boots, eat ice cream and mock hippies each and every weekend.

- Katie, Jen, Elizabeth, and Jessica for making me squeal with laughter all through dinner.

- Jennie, Kristie, Kate, Carissa, Jess, Christina, and Elsha for all the Sunday shopping and pizza eating shenanigans. Thanks, Christina & Elsha, for the airport shenanigans, too.

- Elizabeth, Jonna, Kelly, Natalie, Natalie, Jen, Tara, Elisabeth, Sarah, Regan, Andrea, Sarah Lena, Erica, Erica, Erica, Heather, Julie, Julie, Shelly Miranda, Hillary, Michelle, Becca, -R-, Linnea, and all the rest of you with whom I didn't get to hang out nearly as much as I wanted to.

I wanted to spend more time with every single person I met. I guess that's on the 'To Do' list for next year. Until then - let me know if any of you want to come on up and visit Canada's capital city.

I'm pretty lucky, though -- these guys were waiting for me when I got home along with their sainted father. They make waiting for 2012's gathering worth it.

They Came From the North Track Listing for The Blathering 2011

If you're looking for the Track Listing for the "They Came From The North" CD that was in the swag collection at The Blathering in Austin, TX - you've come to the right place.

Below, you'll find more information on the artists and even additional recommendations for songs by these or similar artists.

1. In the Beginning, K'naan
2. Scar That Never Heals, Jeremy Fisher
3. Sure Can Start, Two Hours Traffic
4. The Beat Stuff, Hannah Georgas
5. Pendulums, Sarah Harmer
6. Dead Letter, Wintersleep
7. Juliet, Royal Wood
8. Buffalo, Kathleen Edwards
9. Ahead By A Century, The Tragically Hip
10. A Million Dollars, Joel Plaskett Emergency
11. Red Heart, Hey Rosetta!
12. Bridge to Nowhere, Sam Roberts
13. Jolly Roving Tar, Great Big Sea
14. Head Over Heels, Blue Rodeo
15. Tournament of Hearts, The Weakerthans
16. You Wouldn't Like Me, Tegan and Sara
17. Gimme Sympathy, Metric
18. Tall Trees, Matt Mays & El Torpedo
19. Sold, Dan Mangan

Now for the additional info:

1. This track is from K'naan's The Dusty Foot Philosopher. He's Somali and grew up in Toronto You've probably heard Wavin' Flag. If not - check it out.
2. The song is on Goodbye Blue Monday. I have to admit that I'm not familiar with his work, but really like this song.
3. With a name inspired by a line from Romeo and Juliet, this band hails from tiny PEI - just like Anne of Green Gables! I adore the entire album on which this track is found. It's called Little Jabs and it's a staple for our road trips.
4. The track is from an EP of the same name. I find it RIDICULOUSLY catchy. Another single of hers I enjoy is called Drive.
5. We first saw her sing backup at a concert featuring a bunch of the bands on this album. She's great. This track comes from her All Of Our Names album. I love a whole bunch of her other songs including Silver Road, I Am Aglow, and Basement Apartment.
6. This song hails from the Welcome To The Night Sky album. These guys are talented and we've seen them in concert but they are, as Dave aptly describes them, "unhandsome." Another fun song of theirs is Weighty Ghost.
7. Royal's from Guelph, Ontario - the city in which I went to University. The track is from his A Good Enough Day and he's married to Sarah Slean, another talented musician.
8. This is the opening track to the sublime Asking For Flowers. Kathleen is from Ottawa, and we love her. I'd recommend anything from this album, particularly The Cheapest Key and I Make the Dough... Other stuff I love includes Six O'Clock News, Hockey Skates, and Back To Me .
9. Oh, The Hip. Canada's most popular band during my high school and Uni years - multiple platinum albums, concerts sold out in seconds.. I find this hilarious as they went to high school with my aunt and uncle (who was their volleyball coach). My Aunt paid $1 to see them play in the cafeteria! They are the most famous dudes to come out of Kingston, Ontario. That's saying something; our first Prime Minister was from there. ANYWAY - this track is from Trouble At The Henhouse, but there's great stuff in their HUGE catalogue. My favourite albums include: Fully Completely, Day for Night, and Phantom Power.
10. We are big Plaskett fans; he's so lanky you'd think he played bass! This track is from his Make a Little Noise. Another great song is Nowhere With You.
11. I don't know too much about these guys, other than that they're from Newfoundland. The track is from Into Your Lungs.
12. Sam is great; he's an anglophone from Montreal. This song is from Chemical City. It and We Were Born In The Flame are solid albums.
13. One of Canada's most popular bands. They hail from Newfoundland, and play a mix of traditional music and stuff they've written themselves. I am a sucker for the traditional stuff, like this track. It's from Play, and the whole album is great, as is Up.
14. These are our most prolific country-rock band. The track is an unreleased one from my favourite of their albums, Five Days in July. I also enjoy albums like Lost Together and Tremolo.
15. These guys are Winnipeg's finest. This track is from the amazing Reunion Tour, and I adore Left and Leaving. From a literary perspective, they are arguably the best song writers in Canada. This is song paints a wonderful picture of the LAST person with whom you'd want to spend time, let alone curl. Check out Aside, Watermark or One Great City!
16. Tegan and Sara are twin sisters. Also lesbians. (Gareth from "The Office: UK" would approve.) This is my favourite of their songs, and the album from which it comes - So Jealous - is one I would take on a desert island. Not a bad track on it.
17. The song is from Fantasies, and I think this track got a bit of US airplay (we heard it while hanging in Santa Monica) but the band is solid.
18. The songs is from Terminal Romance. I love the song, but am not too familiar with the band.
19. This track, and the wonderful Robots come from Nice, Nice, Very Nice. He's one of the few artists here we haven't seen live. YET.

A HUGE thanks to Dave for helping me pull this together. And if you are wanting to check out some free Canadian music, feel free to check out CBC Radio 3, where they have a free radio stream, podcasts and tonnes of archived concerts.

One final thing is a bit of information on WHY we have such a funky, thriving music scene. Since the 1970s, there have been Canadian Content Regulations for media. This means that things like TV and Radio are required to consecrate a certain portion of their airtime to original Canadian content. It was put in place to 'preserve Canadian culture' as we do get inundated by stuff from the US. It's kind of a drag for TV but it's allowed for an amazing, thriving Canadian musical landscape.

My Accent Vlog

I finally got off my butt and did the Accent Vlog. Here it is, insanely backlit. And accompanied by the worst screen capture ever. Enjoy!

Autumn Sunlight

I love so many things about this time of year. I was born in October, so my love for this month started early. But it's harvest season, and the leaves begin their fiery change. The weather is warm and sunny. It is arguably the nicest time of year in Central Canada, and we celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving . The only sting is that it's finite, that winter is around the corner. That and all the 'scary' crap; Hallowe'en is not my favourite time and I HATE horror.

But possibly my favourite thing this time of year? Is the light.

The light in the afternoon is to me like a little taste of heaven. Warm, with orange and yellow hues, and soft, soft shadows. It makes me want to remember every single moment that we bask in this glorious light, mental pictures that will never fade.

In the past decade, I've missed this time of year many times. I've been elsewhere so often (or in a newborn stupor, as I was last year). I've been in Italy, in Maryland/DC, in rainy Vermont, in Bermuda, in Vegas, in LA. So rarely have I been here to frolic in this gorgeous light

.

But how lucky am I that one year, I was exactly where I wanted to be. And I was making the best decision of my life - joining my life to Dave's. Seven years ago, on Oct. 9, 2004, we were married. And our beautiful wedding photos are filled with this glorious light, a light that pales in comparison to the brightness his love brings me. I am so blessed.

Happy Anniversary, Dave.

Thirteen Things You Should Know About Me BEFORE "The Blathering"

I am so very excited, you guys. The Blathering is in less than three weeks' time. A whole weekend of fun in Austin, Texas, which is a city I last visited at the ripe old age of 9. Bloggers! Hilarious, awesome bloggers! I cannot wait.

But before I go, I feel I should warn you about me. And I'm totally ripping off previous year's attendees as I write this post:

Thirteen Things You Should Know About Me BEFORE "The Blathering"

1. I have a great memory. A creepily good memory. Any of the other bloggers I've met IRL (Maggie, Arwen, Whitney) will tell you that this is one of the first things about which I warned them. I'm not a stalker, I swear. I just have an affinity for this sort of stuff. So if I've read your blog and remember your children's birthdays or the names/birth order of your siblings, just roll with it.

2. You want me on your trivia team. It's not just data about bloggers that I retain. History, science, sports stats - TOTAL NERD. I am one of those people who never lost the love of learning. And I will help you win at trivia.

3. The word I've most often used to describe me is enthusiastic. I am a grown woman who will jump up and down for joy when she hears your good news.

4. I am an extroverted fast-talker. I am sorry. I will try to slow down. If it's any consolation, I also speak this quickly in French, the other language in which I am required to work.

5. I studied Food Science in University. This is the study of Chemistry, Microbiology, and Engineering as it relates to food, with a bit of Nutrition thrown in. I studied Food Laws during studies abroad in both Europe and Asia, and did my Master's in Food Policy. And now, I do HR for the Canadian Government. ??? Well, right NOW I am on a year of unpaid leave because I have two young children - Teddy is 2.5 and Veronica is 13 months.

6. I have lived my entire life in Canada. I was born in suburban Montreal, grew up in suburban Toronto, and moved to Ottawa 7 years ago. But I have never lived more than 1 hour from the US border. While I love my country, I have such an enormous soft-spot for the US. I've been to 34 states; while I've liked each and every one, my favourites are VT, CA , and MI.

7. I am an only child. Both my parents are oldest children, so I got away with nothing while growing up. But I had a very happy childhood, and I've always been good at dealing with adults. It made for some tough times as an elementary school student, but it's wonderful now!

8. My Dad's family has been in Canada for generations. We are descended from Loyalists, from original habitants de la Nouvelle France. My Mom? Was born in Italy and moved here as a child. I am a big ole mutt.

9. I am Catholic. I was raised in the Church, fell away from it for years, and have returned. I am still a total work-in-progress, and I really struggle with some church teachings (gay marriage, I am looking at you). But I am a practicing, faithful Catholic. My faith has enriched my life so much.

9. I have known my husband since grade school. We both attended St. Francis of Assisi Elementary School in Georgetown. Dave is two years older than me, so we didn't become real friends until high school when he became one of my best friends. Next fall, we'll have known each other for THIRTY YEARS (I will be turning 35). Every once in a while, though, a previously unknown story will crop up. You'd think that would be impossible, but you'd be wrong.

10. Nothing I've ever done has been more transformative than becoming a parent. It sounds trite, but it's true. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but nothing has brought me more joy. I am so blessed and lucky to be sharing this with Dave.

11. I am a HUGE fan of TV. It's the episodic nature, I think. I love seeing characters grow and change. My current faves include: Parks and Rec, The Office, and The Good Wife. My all-time faves: Veronica Mars, Arrested Development, and The Wire.

12. Be warned - I have been known to break into song. And I am hoping to share some awesome Canadian music with all of you.

13. I love to eat and drink, especially regional specialties. I also love to read, primarily non-fiction and chick-lit. I welcome recommendations for either category.

Seven Quick Takes - Template Edition

Thanks so much to Jennifer for developing this template and to Ellen for highlighting it. As a result, I am devoting some of my precious coordinated nap time to updating my woefully neglected blog.

--- 1 ---

I've been neglecting the blog for a couple of reasons. First, I have been trying to nap during nap time, as Veronica has been having a terrible week, sleep-wise. Most nights this week, she's wanted to nurse and nurse and NURSE and/or she's had periods of wakefulness which last 2-4 hours. She spins and spins while she sleeps, thrashing and flailing, so I imagine that it's some sort of physical development milestone on which she's working. Also - she's just cut or is cutting 4 teeth. But oh! Am I ever pooped.

--- 2 ---

The other reason for the neglect? I've been sucked into "The Good Wife". I blew through Seasons 1 and 2 in less than a week. It's so good, you guys. If you're not watching it, do.

--- 3 ---

After my last angsty post, I am happy to report that things seem to be improving on the preschool drop-off front. This week was unusual, though. Monday was my day to help out at the school, so I stayed rather than dropping him off. On Wednesday, Dave was the helper; we'd agreed to fill in for friends of ours who are on vacation. I was worried about this morning's drop off, but Teddy was great. Let's hope it continues!

--- 4 ---

One downside to a great day in preschool? I think he saves up all his worries and frustrations, then loses his mind once he gets home. It was tantrum city once we got back to the house. He's likely just exhausted, but I am afraid that THREE is arriving a few months early.

--- 5 ---

Despite my complaints above, they are such sweet kids. Teddy's diction has improved immensely over the past month, and his sentence structure improves every day. He is narrating almost everything he does, and he's got great comic timing. Veronica just turned 13 months and is on the cusp of walking. She's a riot, too. She LOVES her brother, whom she calls "Tetty" and frequently applauds his exploits; she'll clap any time you ask. She is a fiend for climbing stairs, and has attitude, too. If she doesn't get her way, she'll sure let you know. We are in TROUBLE during her tween/teen years, I fear.

--- 6 ---

It was 7 years ago this week that I moved to Ottawa. I know this because I moved here 10 days before our wedding and 3 days before my 27th birthday. Which means that I turn 34 on Sunday (the 2nd) and we celebrate our 7th anniversary on Sunday the 9th. Yep - we got married on Canadian Thanksgiving weekend. No big plans, but that's ok. We are going away in just over a month and we'll have a blast then.

--- 7 ---

Where are we going? Well, my Dad turns 65 in November, and we're doing a cruise from NYC to the Caribbean on a ship that launched 2 months ago. We can't wait! And for good measure, I'm off to Austin in three weeks for The Blathering. I AM SO EXCITED. I haven't been to Austin since I was 9, nor Texas since I was 11. CANNOT WAIT.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

The Dark Side of Preschool (and Other Moments of Parenting Doubt)

I'm having a day full of parenting doubt. Don't get me wrong, I know that I'm a parenting work-in-progress. But I've just been hit with minor things relating to both kids that make me feel like a crummy parent.

Like the children of many other bloggers, Teddy started at our local co-op preschool last week. It's just lovely, and we're really excited about going into the classroom with him every 5 weeks. He will be going three days a week, but last week he only attended two days. Unlike the children of the other bloggers, though, we're run into a big hiccough. He has a lot of fun while he's there, the drop-offs are just awful. I am not surprised, but it just sucks. Today, he dragged his feet walking to school; he knew what was coming and was trying to delay it.

The all-out freakouts are unsurprising for several reasons:

1) He's done this before. He was not a fan of leaving my side all last year during my Familia sessions at our church, even though he was familiar with the setting and the kids. He warmed up as the year went on, but he was always reluctant to be left in the playroom. He was like this when Dave dropped him off at the home of his caregiver, too. He'd been going there for 1.5 years, and he would still get upset when Dave dropped him off. In fact, he started doing this well after he'd been there for a year. I imagine that there's a developmental component in all this.

2) He's no daredevil. Teddy is just a cautious kid and it takes him a while to warm up to new things. Yesterday, we were at the home of his friend Claire (and our friends Mark and Tania) and we started the movie "Rio". Teddy is no fan of birds. He tried to tough it out, but he just couldn't watch. Dave and I joke that this guy will not be in the Xgames. His sister, perhaps, but not him.

3) As much as it pains me, I was like this as a child. I'm pretty sure that Dave was, too. And all of our parents. (Full disclosure - writing about this is making me tear up.) For those of you who don't know me in real life, and even those of you who do, it may come as a surprise how much I struggle with trying new things. I have an innate desire to please people and a fear of letting people down, of embarrassing myself, of failing. And so any time I encounter something new or unknown, my very first thought is "I cannot do this." I'm often told that I am everyone's cheerleader. I am very, very good at encouraging people, and it stems from the massive amount of self-encouragement I've had to muster over the years.

Whenever I encounter new things, I convince myself that I can do it based on what I've done in the past. I'll say "Self, you may not have done this exact thing, but you've done x, y, and z - things which are similar and may have been harder". And in order to get to this point, I've had to push outside my comfort zone. And I see Teddy doing something similar. When he encounters something new, he'll try to talk himself down. "Don't worry,", he'll tell himself over and over, "It's ok. Don't worry." It breaks my heart a bit, but in a good way.

I know that he needs opportunities to stretch and grow, so that he, too, can gain self confidence. But it's hard, you guys. It's hard to see my tender-hearted, trusting little guy so upset. I mean - he's not upset for long. There are trucks and cars and slides there. But he's like his parents and grandparents - he feels things very deeply. I don't want him to become hard-hearted, to shut down because of the fear.

And it's causing a visceral reaction for me because it's the first time I'm seeing one of my less-desirable character traits in my children. Well - let me rephrase. It's not a less-desirable trait, per se. I think it makes me more empathetic. But it's a tendency with which I've always struggled and while I know that I can't blunt his struggles and suffering, I also know first hand how difficult it is to deal with this trait. I wish I could have given him all the confidence I've acquired over the years without all the work I've had to do to get it.

I can't do that. And truthfully, I'm not sure that I'd want to. Much of that confidence stems from actually having done the work, having overcome struggles. And it's so much more meaningful as a result. But I thought I'd have more than 2.5 years before I'd have to confront this part of parenthood. I guess not! I think this is a tiny sliver of what Mary felt at the foot of the cross. She'd have taken on all of his suffering, if she could. But suffering is necessary for something better, something stronger, something more beautiful and lasting. I need to keep that in perspective.

The situation with Veronica is less heart-wrenching. She's dropping on the growth charts - from 90th to 75th percentile. I know that it makes sense. We're not big people, and the last time she was weighed she hadn't yet started to move independently. She's constantly on the go now, so it makes sense that she's only gone from 21lbs, 8 oz to 22lbs, 10 oz in 3 months. She's grown 2.5 inches, too. But we went straight from preschool drop off to the doctor's office and it was just something else, you know?

But - it's a gorgeous fall day. After naps, we have a play date with one of Teddy's favourite buddies. And Veronica spent the first 3 minutes of her nap laughing in her sleep. Onward and upward, right?

Summer 2011 - kicking butt in so many ways

I am alive! This summer has been so much fun, you guys. Amazing and exhausting and over-the-top awesome. I can't remember enjoying a summer this much since childhood!

But that's meant that I haven't been online all that much. I've even taken near weeks off from Twitter. I need to get back into the swing of things before The Blathering (and complete that survey! GAH!). I want to at least summarize all the amazing stuff we've done this summer. Visits from beloved friends and family. Trips to wonderful places. Meeting Whitney and her boys (highly recommend). And the kids! Veronica is crawling, pulling up, cruising and into EVERYTHING. Teddy is a riot; he sings and narrates what we're doing all day long.

But right now I'm baking cupcakes. Why? Because tomorrow, my baby turns ONE! AHHH!

More on that soon, complete with pictures. Right before our trip to Vermont (where we hung out with Whitney), her sticky-uppy hair finally started to fall. I miss it!

And Happy Birthday, Arwen! I hope that 29 is your best age yet.

Dispatch from Sudbury

Veronica and I have come to visit my dear friend (and MOH) Leanne and her new baby, Morgan, in Sudbury. We arrived on Thursday afternoon and are here until tomorrow evening. Leanne and I are hanging out and watching "Dead Again" - a gem of a flick, if you haven't seen it. We may just watch "Tangled" again. We rented it last night, and it's darling.

We flew from Ottawa on Bearskin Airlines, the first time I'd flown them. Oh boy - are the planes small. It was a 17-seater, with one seat on either side of the aisle, and an open cockpit. As I was flying with an infant, I was able to preboard. We walked out on to the tarmac with the pilot and co-pilot; the pilot held Veronica while I collapsed the stoller (V just LOVED her). It was cool, but I'd never want to do it in the winter! The landing was a bit bumpy, and it was so odd to be seeing the pilot line up the runway through the windshield! But I have to admit - it was less than 3 hours from door to door, so that's AMAZING. If we'd driven, with our stops to nurse, etc., it would have taken 6-7 hours. And with gas prices being what they are, it wasn't that much more to fly.

But oh! I am tasting humble pie. I was all self-congratulatory prior to the trip. I was going to help my friend who just had a baby! While Daddy Derek was away on a fishing trip, no less! Um...not so much. Veronica is a laugh riot, but she's crawling and yakking and into everything. I've spent most of my time wrangling her. And Morgan? Is an angel baby. She sleeps all the time and is just a happy, teeny sweetheart. I had planned to make food for Leanne so she could freeze it. It's been over 30 deg C each day...and she's been doing food prep. All I've done? Is sweep after Veronica went to bed tonight, and help fold a load of laundry. Helper FAIL.

But we've had such fun hanging out! Leanne and I lived together for several years during University, but haven't lived close to each other since. It's such a treat. And the eating! What? We're feeding ravenous beasts (aka our respective daughters). It's such a trip to be hanging out with our children. It doesn't seem long ago that I moved her into residence for her frosh week, or that we were President and VP on hall council. It's been 14 and 13 years, respectively. NUTS!

She's an amazing friend, though. She hasn't ONCE made fun of me for not helping; she's cool like that. She's fed us and driven us all over, she's given feedback on bathing suits (postpartum bathing suit shopping SUCKS). She's been doing stuff like this for years. She's amazing. Morgan is such a lucky girl to have such an amazing Mom, and I am just so blessed to have her in my life.